Confidence

As you already know, I have struggled with  weight for most of my life. When I was young, I was pudgy. Not overweight, but pudgy.  My mother's friends would suggest she put me on a diet, something she did not do due to my age. Besides, she believes in eating healthy and in moderation. As do I. As I grew up, I started to loose some of the 'baby fat' and during middle school, I experienced two glorious years of skinny. Except for the fact that my thighs still touched. Cute clothing fit beautifully and my mother was proud. But most of all, I was confident in my new beauty. I became an extrovert, I made new friends. I was loud and funny, no longer shy to raise my hand in class or dance barefoot middle of the room with my friends during school parties. I stopped observing and started participating in life around me.

High school came and I started to gain weight again. This didn't stop during college. Or when I started work. Each phase of my life brought on different reasons to gain weight. In school, the weight was due to being away from home. I wasn't eating mom's healthy homemade food anymore. At work, I didn't have as much time to work out. Oh yes, and there seemed to be sweets everywhere in the office. I was shy. I would refrain from certain social situations because I didn't consider myself pretty enough or skinny enough to participate. I didn't think others would be interested in talking to the fat girl.  Unfortunately, many times my confidence level is directly pegged to my weight and whether or not I am able to wear the clothing I want to. 

This is what goes on in my head. To the world, I am confident. I think I am beautiful. I will continue faking it until every piece of me believes it. Even though I have a distorted view of myself, I try to remember that a size 8 is not obese. I don't take up to two seats on an airplane and I don't require a seat belt extender. If I get there, then we'll have real problems. 

While we get to that supreme confidence level, let Dita Von Teese tell you a thing or two about confidence and the proper lingerie: